Just tired in every way possible................

I am just so tired of not one, but many things. Not tired to the point of giving up, but just to the point where enough already. I have been wanting to start this blog for awhile, and am a person that can usually blab for awhile, but to do this I feel like I needed to be at a point where I just didn't have the words to express verbally to another person how I feel. Today has been rough. Not that today just made me this way, but it's been kind of hectic lately. Oh where do I begin. Well I am a mom, a fiancee, I work full time, I am planning my own wedding and I am person that takes on alot. I am just overwhelmed. Back to today and my current problems. My fiancee Mike, has quit smoking, it has been about sixteen or seventeen days. It has not been easy. No patch, no gum, no meds, just quit cold turkey. I am beyond happy that he has done this, and am proud of him, but for someone that has been smoking for along time this really takes a toll on them. He has not been the happiest camper. I know it has to be hard, beyond hard, so I take his bad moods and let it go, because he is doing something great. I just am having a hard time with day sixteen or is it seventeen. I have been so good, trying not to nag him, or argue, or cry for fear that will drive him to the nearest mini mart to get a pack of smokes, but come on I need some love and attention along the way. He has been so rapped up in quitting smoking that it has affected our happiness. I am sick of picking up after him, I am sick of feeling like I am planning this wedding on our own, I am sick of him snapping at me and telling me how I am not properly disciplining Mikey (our son). It's unusual for us to be like this. Is this just all stemming from him giving up smoking? Anyhow, today has just sucked. He woke up like he was mad. He didn't smile once at work, he doesn't pay attention to what I am saying, he questioned what I did on my lunch. I pick up Mikey after work, and he is exhausted, so he is very grumpy and I had to spank him in the car for acting up, which made him cry from Woodlake to Visalia. Then we get home and he cries that Mike won't carry him outside, he cries cause he wants chicken nuggets for dinner instead of BBQ chicken, he cries cause he wants me to give him a bath and not Mike and as a result gets a spanking for that. I just feel so bad when he gets a spanking. So bad that I tell Mike and he gets mad for not being firm enough with him. So in turn I lay on my bed and cry that this is just all too much. I cry because I can't do everything. I cry because I am going on a great vacation in less then two months and I am not losing weight like I would like to. I cry cause it's nine o'clock and I am not even on my elliptical yet. So here I am, at almost eleven on a work night starting my blog. Yes I did elliptical which was hard, but now I feel good about that. But the rest is the same. Mikey finally went to sleep, Mike got up off the couch and is in bed watching TV and has not said a word to me. Anyhow, much of this probably does not make much sense, but it feels really good to get it out. It just feels like something heavy is on my chest and my throat is tight and I don't know how to swallow, but as I finish this blog it has lightened up a bit. This could be a very good thing for me. I don't have many people to talk to, nor do I want to burden them with a long phone call about all my drama when everyone has their own problems. So until then...........